And I still wait for a donor.....

Donor Time....

Yesterday I had my first Donor Program appointments. I was a little nervous but thought I knew what to expect.... ba...boum... I was wrong. I did not have a clue what I was just about to get myself into. It was going to be emotional.

My first appointment for the day was with a PLA (Paitent Liason Administrator). We spoke about what the whole process was going to cost me. She did mention that I had a low egg count and that I might be elligable for a Medicare rebate. This was a surprise to me cause I had yet to speak to my IVF specialist about my results. My heart sank but I had to remember that I really didn't know my exact results and therefore could not react on this slip up. I had to think positively.

It was 10.30am and I was ready for my next appointment. This was with  the Donor Program, a lady called Laura. She was here to explain the process in which I will be taking to select my donor. It's quite complex but I suppose it needs to be when taking these steps. Laura discussed that there is not a huge selection in the options for donors. But truth is I'm here because I want a baby, not to design a baby. I will be put on the waiting list but it could take up to 8 weeks for me to view a donor. She explained that I will probably need to inject myself before the insamination to get my eggs working. After we discussed the process Laura showed me an example profile which I would be looking at. What really took me back was that the donors are able to write a little something for the convieved child. There was something that I thought was really nice about this, I dont know if I would exactly show my child but I thought it was nice to be able to have that option.

Lastly was my appointment with the counseller. Now this was crazy. She made me think about so much. Things I had never thought about before.

• Why do you want to have this child?
• Are you closing the book of looking for love?
• How will you bring up this child?
• You know this is a long commitment?
• What if you have a child with someone, how would you expect your partner to treat your child?
• How will you respond if your child was angry about your decision to have a baby through IVF?
• How will you explain Fathers Day and Dad's

Truth is I don't know. I don't how my child would respond to this decision. I don't have a clue how I will teach my child about life and protect it so it never gets hurt. I will probably cry for the first 3 months we share together.

But what I do know is that I will try to be  the best mum I can be. I promise to teach my child to be happy and honest. I promise I will give them all the love that I have. I promise I will be honest with them and make choices that I believe are right for them.

That's my promise

 I pray that all goes to plan... And you will be here soon...

Healthy eating...

So for the past few months I've been trying to consume only the very healthiest , freshest eats... This includes loads of greens, protein and calcium... It's been fun thinking of fun and easy recipes... This was today's lunch;

Tuna salad w' spinach, corn, cucumber, beetroot, sunflower seeds, chilli tuna and a wee bit of cheese....

For dinner tonight;

Falafel Salad: tomato, cucumber and capsicum veggies w' homemade falafel's and tahini...

I know there it's a lot of salad for one day but I do enjoy it.

I want you to meet them...

Yesterday my grandmother had to go into hospital... She has a hernia and is okay. Which is great news and its nothing more. It made me think about what I'm doing and how much I want a baby...

A baby that can experience most things that I did, and meet the people I know... 

Who knows what life brings us... My baby will never be able to meet my father and this breaks my heart. 

I need to have a baby now... I have so many people that I want it to meet.. This is so important to me...

am i fertile???

On Thursday I had my 'Ultrasound test of Tubal Patency using Levovist' test. Sounds complicated, well let me tell you... It kinda was. For starters I had no clue in what I was getting myself into. I knew that the Doctor would be doing an internal ultrasound but that was about it.

Here is a little about the test and why it is performed;

The reproductive organs in a female consist of the vagina, cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes and the ovaries (see above diagram). The ovary produces the eggs which are fertilized in the fallopian tubes. The embryo then travels along the fallopian tube in the first few days of life and eventually attaches itself in the cavity of the uterus, growing into a full term baby. One of the common causes of infertility (inability to fall pregnant) is a blockage of the fallopian tubes. The fallopian tubes are about 15cm long and arise from the upper uterus on both sides. The other end of the tubes has a wide opening which lies over the ovary to pick up the egg at the time of ovulation. The patency (openness) of the fallopian tubes can be confirmed by performing a tubal patency test with an ultrasound contrast medium called Levovist.

It should be noted that this test cannot detect mild endometriosis or adhesions in the pelvis.

Diagram 1

How is the test performed?A fine catherer is inserted into the uterus to allow for the contrast to be injected close to the tubal openings in the uterus (see below for details).

Diagram 2

 

Vaginal ultrasound examination is used to visualize the contrast as it passes through the uterus and into the tubes, and as it spills around the ovaries.
The most commonly used dye is a special ultrasound contrast agent (echo-enhancing agent) called Levovist. It is a suspension of galactose (a form of sugar) and palmitic acid, both of which occur naturally in the human body and therefore are non toxic. When shaken together they form tiny bubbles which are detectable by ultrasound. This substance is also non allergic.

Mum came with me to the Epworth Freemasons Day Surgery clinic and so to did Luca-zoid.  He was my distraction.

I was nervous. The nurse took me through to the change rooms to put on a robe. 'Everything from the waist done must come off, then put one of these on'. She handed me a robe/dress... I had never seen these things before, they were great and it meant that I didn't have to wear one of those hospital gowns that have your butt out for everybody to see.

We went into the consulting room where the doctor would perform the test... When we began she whipped out her ultrasound tool. I couldn't help but laugh. The doctor looked at me and asked if I was alright. I think it was the nerves. I won't get into details about the test but it was confronting, a little sore and I will call it a NEW experience.  The test took about 40 minutes and the doctor was able to tell me the results straight away....

I am fertile. My tubes have no blockage... yeahhhhh. Now for the next step.......

First appontment....

 

So it's been 2 days since I had my first appointment with the IVF specialist. It's just taken me a couple of days to get my head around it all. My doctor was amazing and really nice. he reminded me so much of my GP. He took me through all the steps in which I would have to take to have a baby. He asked me loads of questions... if my menstral cycle is regular, the tests I will have to undergo to look at my fertility and what i'll have to do for the donor program.  He then gave me a whole lot of appointments to make and sent me downstairs to get a bloodtest.

 

 

I got in the car and began cry. This is really going to happen. I will someday really have my own baby. These were  tears of excitment and joy. I knew I was making the right decision. Now to do everything right to make this happen.

 

So this is what is happening tomorrow... Just a little nervous on what to expect.

 

Wish me luck....

The green light...

Yesterday I had my appointment with my GP. Walking into the consultation room, I was really nervous.  I had this horrible thought that he was going to turn around and insist that this was not a great descision and I had no hope of being a mother. It's amazing how your mind can take you into this whole other world and scare the shit out of you, before you even know the possibilities.

So my GP sat me down. We discussed why I wanted this, my concerns, what I would be getting myself into and if it's something I really wanted to do on my own..... It was really nice talking to him about it all. It made me realise how much I actually really want this and even though it's going to be hard, difficult  and tiring, I think I can really do this and am mentally prepared for it... We spoke about the choices I would like to take with options of my fertility, donors, private health cover etc. These were all very important aspects of what I needed to prepare myself for. Overall I got the green light from the doc... Now to prepare myself for the steps ahead...

 

Step 1: Folic Acid everyday...

You gotta start somewhere...

So I really want to start life as a mum. Yes I don't own my own house, I'm still only in my early years of studies, I have a bad habit of spending money on pointless things,  and I'm single.

But I'm 32 years old and like many single 32 year old women long for that feeling of motherhood. I want to feel the butterflies, I want to breastfeed, I want to have that little someone I can call mine.

Making this decision of having a child of my own wasn't just an easy thought. It’s taken me years, months, meeting new potential partners, losing hope, having my heart broken and a sense of independence and strength to come to this conclusion. It's a huge life change but somewhere in the midst of it all, I know I am truly ready to be a mum. And although I take full responsibility for what the future holds, there is my family. The people that I hope will support me in the stages to make this dream possible.

 At first I thought I would hit up my little bro with how I was feeling. Driving to the city I was only a little nervous about bringing up the topic. But his response was better than I ever thought. Next was Mum. Who knew what would happen here. I was nervous. In fact I don’t even think I looked at her in the eyes when I told her the news. Like any mother the response came with concerns. How will I cope? What if I met someone? The sleep? The money? Doing it on my own? But with time Mum came around. She even told me that I would probably have to move in with her, and just quietly that was something I thought about all along. My sister Anita’s response was a little similar but not as vocal as mums response. Having the support from my family means a lot and with their support I know I will be okay.

 

With the thought of pregnancy comes the healthy eating and the no smoking. The smoking is coming along okay… I’ve been a little moody, so I do apologise to the folk around me. Be patient with me.

Tomorrow I have my first appointment with my GP. I’m so nervous. I feel like I really want this so bad and something is just going to block it. Who knows…? Time can only tell...


You gotta start somewhere, even if it means doing it on my own...