Donor Time....

Yesterday I had my first Donor Program appointments. I was a little nervous but thought I knew what to expect.... ba...boum... I was wrong. I did not have a clue what I was just about to get myself into. It was going to be emotional.

My first appointment for the day was with a PLA (Paitent Liason Administrator). We spoke about what the whole process was going to cost me. She did mention that I had a low egg count and that I might be elligable for a Medicare rebate. This was a surprise to me cause I had yet to speak to my IVF specialist about my results. My heart sank but I had to remember that I really didn't know my exact results and therefore could not react on this slip up. I had to think positively.

It was 10.30am and I was ready for my next appointment. This was with  the Donor Program, a lady called Laura. She was here to explain the process in which I will be taking to select my donor. It's quite complex but I suppose it needs to be when taking these steps. Laura discussed that there is not a huge selection in the options for donors. But truth is I'm here because I want a baby, not to design a baby. I will be put on the waiting list but it could take up to 8 weeks for me to view a donor. She explained that I will probably need to inject myself before the insamination to get my eggs working. After we discussed the process Laura showed me an example profile which I would be looking at. What really took me back was that the donors are able to write a little something for the convieved child. There was something that I thought was really nice about this, I dont know if I would exactly show my child but I thought it was nice to be able to have that option.

Lastly was my appointment with the counseller. Now this was crazy. She made me think about so much. Things I had never thought about before.

• Why do you want to have this child?
• Are you closing the book of looking for love?
• How will you bring up this child?
• You know this is a long commitment?
• What if you have a child with someone, how would you expect your partner to treat your child?
• How will you respond if your child was angry about your decision to have a baby through IVF?
• How will you explain Fathers Day and Dad's

Truth is I don't know. I don't how my child would respond to this decision. I don't have a clue how I will teach my child about life and protect it so it never gets hurt. I will probably cry for the first 3 months we share together.

But what I do know is that I will try to be  the best mum I can be. I promise to teach my child to be happy and honest. I promise I will give them all the love that I have. I promise I will be honest with them and make choices that I believe are right for them.

That's my promise